Put a ring on it?

Who doesn't love a little bling? I find myself fawning over every little sparkle that I see. I linger to drool. As I gaze longingly over the shine. It is the idea of a nice, big, rock on my finger. It is easy for me to get swept into the idea of the proposal. To unknowingly be the recipient of not only the new jewelry, but also all of the engagement attention. Even as a woman who isn't sure she wants the married life for herself, I am still captivated by the idea. With the surprise of the big question, and the little box that holds the best jewelry you will ever get, who wouldn't find themselves contemplating.....Happy Ever After?
This slippery slope is one that I visited, briefly. I found myself engaged at the ripe old, and drunk age of twenty-one. Anyone that is passed the binge drinking age, knows that this is probably not the best time to be making life long commitments. Its hard to plan a future when you are blacked out. I found this out the hard way. The relationship consisted of four months of engagement, that followed only the four months of dating. Slippery slope, its a nice way of saying plain immature attempt at being an adult. At the time though it seemed like a sort of good idea. Or at least I talked myself into believing that. I'm not sure I ever thought it would actually happen. I knew that we were both incredibly immature, and I didn't think that was a great equation for lasting love. When adding childish to drunk, things tend to blow up. Then go ahead and multiply this by two, and you my engagement. The attention was fun, and the ring was shall we say, affordable. in the end now I feel like a giant fake when I look back at this. I was an impostor that was using the importance of marriage as a fun activity.
I believe that marriage is something very special. I believe it takes more work that most admit. It takes deep respect, and love. It is special, and I find myself not sure if I am special enough for it. I am not saying that I am not good enough for marriage. I do not know if I can give what it takes for a life long commitment. I see myself loving someone forever, I hope for this. However when I envision this future, I see myself choosing to be there with the loved one every day. I do not want to be held, or have someone held, by a piece of paper. If I find this to be true in my life, If my choice is to never be legally bound to someone else, what do I get?  Do I forgo the party, the gifts, and the ring? Do I get a commitment ring for the devotion, and love I have put into this partnership? Will I then be a woman of fifty with a "boyfriend"? Or would I just have a perpetual engagement?

When choosing other paths do we end screwing ourselves over? Do we miss out on all the fun perks, or do we end up rewarding ourselves in the end?

To be continued.....